Hi All,
I just wanted to share something wonderful that happened last night!! It was the perfect ending to a pretty awful day. The past several days have been very hard for me...I have really been struggling with sin and guilt, people have been really rude at work, and nothing is seeming to ever work out romantically with anyone that I try to get to know. In addition, this upcoming Saturday (May 3) is both my Grandpa's birthday...and also Kelsey Smith's...the Overland Park 18-year old girl who was abducted, raped and murdered in June of last year. Never, EVER has something so heinous, so horrible, and so evil affected me so severely as a person. I spent the first six months after her death just sobbing several times a week. I didn't even know her, but for those who have seen my posts about her here...she was absolutely beautiful, a wonderful, giddy, make-friends-with-anyone kinda person who was also a very devout Christian. Her whole family is the kind of people the world is in desperate need of these days. I was able to meet her family a month after her death and give them a letter and some flowers. Ever since, we have stayed in close contact and speak often through email. Sometimes I stop by to see them in person.
Anyway...of all these problems...I didn't feel like I could really deal with them. I wanted so bad to confess my sin to God...but still felt like He was angry with me (I know He's really not) but couldn't help thinking so. I was ridden with guilt, so I just ran away from that. I miss my Grandpa something awful...but his grave is 120 miles away and I can't always go see it. As far as work, I can't do anything about co-workers or customers being rude...so the only option I felt like I had left to directly deal with what I was grieving over was to go visit Kelsey's grave. The last several days...it has been very difficult to think about what happened to her. I can't stand crimes against women and children...so it was coming back to torment me. So, I went out to the cemetery to see her and just tell her what was on my mind. I left straight after work at 7:00pm.
I really wanted to speak to someone and just cry out...so I thought I would go speak to her and while I was out there in solitude I would confess all the garbage I was dealing with to God about my sin. I spent 45 minutes at her grave, broke down and cried and just poured everything out to God. For the first time in weeks, I felt I was being honest with Him and with myself, and just cried out to the Lord. After I felt everything that needed to be dealt with...had...I got up to leave.
As I was leaving...all be darned...Kelsey's mother pulled up in her car. She was coming to see her too. I went over and spoke to her and asked her how she was doing. She said much better, and seemed to be in good spirits, all things considered. I told her I knew she came out there for a reason, so I would excuse myself and let her have her time. She said there was no need, she could come out anytime...she would rather talk to me. I was really nervous and scared...but we talked for ANOTHER 45 minutes after that. She was so friendly. We talked about Kelsey, we talked about our families, we talked about the Lord...anything that came to mind. It was absolutely SURREAL how much I apparently had in common with her daughter. It was almost like she was my other half or something. We have the same personalities, the same OCD quirks, the same values and gifts of the Spirit...everything. It was almost like her Mom was describing me when she spoke of Kelsey. I found out from Missey (the mother) that growing up, she had experienced the same family trauma and pain I had with my family when I was a kid. She said her life was horrible by most standards. It was only when she met a Christian man and got married and had a family that her life started to improve and she found Jesus.
It was just surreal meeting and talking to someone whom I care about so much but don't really know other than this tragedy...and yet she talks me like I'm one of her own. She was so kind and tender, and told me to come talk to them ANYTIME things got rough for me. She said she keeps a separate folder for all my emails, so she doesn't have to sort them out from everyone else's. How crazy is that? She gets all kinds of email, both personal and related to Kelsey's foundation...and she appreciates my emails enough that she created her own separate folder for them to go to, so she doesn't miss any of them in the confusion. I was just so humbled. You never really know what you mean to someone until they tell you like that. It was enough to just about move me to tears. I told her...ironically...that in my "keepers" folder...saved emails that have sentimental value for me...about 23 of 26 are from either her or Greg (Kelsey's dad). The rest are either from Jody or my friend Eric whom I love like a brother.
She finally asked me what size shirt I wear and gave me a "Kelsey's Army" T-shirt, one that they sell for $10 at fund raisers that support her foundation, supplying safety whistles and paying for safety awareness seminars that both of them speak at for young women in the Kansas City area. She just gave it to me. She gave me a great big hug and told me thank you so much for coming out to see Kelsey. I was there either visiting Kelsey's grave or speaking to Missey for over an hour and a half.
It was the perfect encouragement at the end of a long day...the Lord knew exactly what I needed and from whom. While I was at her grave, I confessed all my sins to the Lord, and felt this huge burden just lifted off my shoulders. Everything was made right last night. The Lord is good. AMEN.
Oh, and the second BIG praise is:
In case you missed it...
Kansas 75
Memphis 68 OT
FOR THE NATIONAL TITLE BABY!!! What a game!! What a comeback!! From nine down with 1:54 to play to winning convincingly in overtime!!! Is God not good or WHAT!?!?
I just wanted to share something wonderful that happened last night!! It was the perfect ending to a pretty awful day. The past several days have been very hard for me...I have really been struggling with sin and guilt, people have been really rude at work, and nothing is seeming to ever work out romantically with anyone that I try to get to know. In addition, this upcoming Saturday (May 3) is both my Grandpa's birthday...and also Kelsey Smith's...the Overland Park 18-year old girl who was abducted, raped and murdered in June of last year. Never, EVER has something so heinous, so horrible, and so evil affected me so severely as a person. I spent the first six months after her death just sobbing several times a week. I didn't even know her, but for those who have seen my posts about her here...she was absolutely beautiful, a wonderful, giddy, make-friends-with-anyone kinda person who was also a very devout Christian. Her whole family is the kind of people the world is in desperate need of these days. I was able to meet her family a month after her death and give them a letter and some flowers. Ever since, we have stayed in close contact and speak often through email. Sometimes I stop by to see them in person.
Anyway...of all these problems...I didn't feel like I could really deal with them. I wanted so bad to confess my sin to God...but still felt like He was angry with me (I know He's really not) but couldn't help thinking so. I was ridden with guilt, so I just ran away from that. I miss my Grandpa something awful...but his grave is 120 miles away and I can't always go see it. As far as work, I can't do anything about co-workers or customers being rude...so the only option I felt like I had left to directly deal with what I was grieving over was to go visit Kelsey's grave. The last several days...it has been very difficult to think about what happened to her. I can't stand crimes against women and children...so it was coming back to torment me. So, I went out to the cemetery to see her and just tell her what was on my mind. I left straight after work at 7:00pm.
I really wanted to speak to someone and just cry out...so I thought I would go speak to her and while I was out there in solitude I would confess all the garbage I was dealing with to God about my sin. I spent 45 minutes at her grave, broke down and cried and just poured everything out to God. For the first time in weeks, I felt I was being honest with Him and with myself, and just cried out to the Lord. After I felt everything that needed to be dealt with...had...I got up to leave.
As I was leaving...all be darned...Kelsey's mother pulled up in her car. She was coming to see her too. I went over and spoke to her and asked her how she was doing. She said much better, and seemed to be in good spirits, all things considered. I told her I knew she came out there for a reason, so I would excuse myself and let her have her time. She said there was no need, she could come out anytime...she would rather talk to me. I was really nervous and scared...but we talked for ANOTHER 45 minutes after that. She was so friendly. We talked about Kelsey, we talked about our families, we talked about the Lord...anything that came to mind. It was absolutely SURREAL how much I apparently had in common with her daughter. It was almost like she was my other half or something. We have the same personalities, the same OCD quirks, the same values and gifts of the Spirit...everything. It was almost like her Mom was describing me when she spoke of Kelsey. I found out from Missey (the mother) that growing up, she had experienced the same family trauma and pain I had with my family when I was a kid. She said her life was horrible by most standards. It was only when she met a Christian man and got married and had a family that her life started to improve and she found Jesus.
It was just surreal meeting and talking to someone whom I care about so much but don't really know other than this tragedy...and yet she talks me like I'm one of her own. She was so kind and tender, and told me to come talk to them ANYTIME things got rough for me. She said she keeps a separate folder for all my emails, so she doesn't have to sort them out from everyone else's. How crazy is that? She gets all kinds of email, both personal and related to Kelsey's foundation...and she appreciates my emails enough that she created her own separate folder for them to go to, so she doesn't miss any of them in the confusion. I was just so humbled. You never really know what you mean to someone until they tell you like that. It was enough to just about move me to tears. I told her...ironically...that in my "keepers" folder...saved emails that have sentimental value for me...about 23 of 26 are from either her or Greg (Kelsey's dad). The rest are either from Jody or my friend Eric whom I love like a brother.
She finally asked me what size shirt I wear and gave me a "Kelsey's Army" T-shirt, one that they sell for $10 at fund raisers that support her foundation, supplying safety whistles and paying for safety awareness seminars that both of them speak at for young women in the Kansas City area. She just gave it to me. She gave me a great big hug and told me thank you so much for coming out to see Kelsey. I was there either visiting Kelsey's grave or speaking to Missey for over an hour and a half.
It was the perfect encouragement at the end of a long day...the Lord knew exactly what I needed and from whom. While I was at her grave, I confessed all my sins to the Lord, and felt this huge burden just lifted off my shoulders. Everything was made right last night. The Lord is good. AMEN.
Oh, and the second BIG praise is:
In case you missed it...
Kansas 75
Memphis 68 OT
FOR THE NATIONAL TITLE BABY!!! What a game!! What a comeback!! From nine down with 1:54 to play to winning convincingly in overtime!!! Is God not good or WHAT!?!?
Can't help myself, sorry,
that's funny! 
